Final weigh in!

Ok, I went to my final weigh-in . . .I lost just under a pound! Honestly, I expected to go in and hear that I had GAINED 5 lbs. So any loss is better than any gain. Now I just have to wait for the paperwork to be submitted to the insurance and then see if they approve or deny. Say an extra prayer that they approve it this time. If they do, I may be looking at a surgery date of late June or sometime in July depending on the surgeon’s schedule and vacation.

As you know, the past couple of months have been really hard. I think I fell into the rut where I knew I was going to “never eat these things again” and really craved the sweets and, I admit it, I ate them. At my appointment last night I think something finally clicked. When the dietician told me how important it is after surgery to make sure that I am getting all of my nutrients in each meal, it hit me that I’m going to be eating a lot less and my body needs the right stuff. And I’M WORTH IT!!! If I waste it on something sweet and sinful, I’m not going to nourish my body. I am now going to be forcing myself to eat to live . . . not living to eat! It is so wrong that it’s taken me 33 ½ years to figure this out?!

:( me too

I am an absolute mess!
I suppose I'm feeling accountable, but convicted is more like it.

* I haven't been taking my meds properly
* My weight is easily back to where I started, if not higher
because...
* I have not been working out
* I have been eating like Armageddon is around the corner (speaking of which, have we ever had this many horrific events in one week?)
* I am having issues with Nathaniel's behaviour which made for a mother's day not quite as I expected it, and I am just at the end of my rope with him right now.
* Work has become stressful, culminating with the fact that one of our employees is going to be terminated at a critical time of the year and I will have to absorb at least SOME of her duties when I already feel overloaded
* Our house is an absolute disaster and our feeble attempts to get things up and running are constantly sabotaged by my own laziness, fatigue and not-giving-a-crap
* I have felt terrible lately, mostly due to some potential neurological issues/and or impending allergy season, but most likely due to items 1 - 3

I am completely back in crisis mode AGAIN and the thought of breaking this all back down again and starting somewhere is enough to make me want to crawl in a corner somewhere. I suppose I HAVE been doing that to some extent. I have been taking some extra long weekend naps lately.

I can't even begin to think of where to start.

I feel what you both are saying about the sweets, I think that that is one of my hugest hurdles but will be the hardest to overcome. I even told Eric that I would nix the sweets if he would work on his smoking because it's the only thing that I feel that closely to. He made some excuse about it meaning that HE would have to give up sugar too and that's where the conversation stopped.

I am just really depressed and discouraged now, because I don't feel like I have made or held myself accountable for my actions for a long time.

Sorry to be such a downer, but that's probably why I haven't been writing. I wish that I had better news to share.

I hope that you are getting back on track.
What can we do TODAY to start digging our way out of this?

Held Accountable

So - I haven't personally written a post since my little poem on April 2. Yep, OVER A MONTH. And, finally, Miss Teri made me feel bad and held me accountable with her little "where did everybody go..." post. *sigh* Guess I asked for it by starting this thing and I should play along now that we're in our 5th month! ;-)

Unfortunately, not a lot to post about out here in Kansas. It's finally getting to be nice weather outside, but I rarely have the time to truly enjoy it. But, I have found the time to start tanning ("fake bake" as a girl at work called it) and I realized how much I need that heavy-duty light! I miss windows - the cubicle world is getting a bit stuffy and old. But, the 12 total minutes I've spent in there so far have made me feel emotionally better, and a little more relaxed, so I think the 1-month membership was worth it (even if hubby does think it's a "waste of money").

Anyway, I'm hoping this month I can drop at least 10 lbs (or 2 inches) before Jazzoo. Yeah - big gala events for work are always my milestones. Or would they be my millstones? Anyway, I'm fairly certain it's not doable, BUT, I will be TAN, which makes me FEEL better and look healthier (Jazzoo was the reason I started fake baking again - not going as a ghost to an event until maybe Hilloween!)

The plan - walking. Lots of it. On days when I don't go to keep up the tan this month during lunch, I shall try to walk at least 30 minutes (although, it is the 8th and I have yet to do it this month!). If not at lunch, I'll try to get it in at home. Which is harded, cuz the house is a freaking mess and I have to get it clean before the 22nd when the sitter starts showing up for the end of May. Does housecleaning burn calories??

Plan continued - food. Gotta figure this part out. We keep some candy and snackies in the house for the boys (just cuz the grown-ups shouldn't eat it, doesn't mean the kids can't have some specials) but I keep eating them. Especially late at night. When I'm up alone. And really.really.really.really.bored. But, can't sleep - hit an insomnia kick again.

So - here I am, being accountable. Hope you enjoyed this step into my world. Later!

Where did everyone go?

Where's everyone at? Has it been that bad of a month already that you don't want to post? Can't be that bad! Come on, update - I want to see how everyone's doing:)