Pleeeeassseee don't give up on meeeeeeee

Hello from out in la-la land...

I do have an update. I have been neglecting all things blogging for a few months, so it's time to play catch-up. I haven't lost a great deal of weight, but I am a little farther away from pregnancy weight than during my last meltdown, so that makes me happy.

I will (whenever I get around to it, you know how that goes) cancel my gym membership. In this economy, I cannot justify the monthly expenditure when my motivatation waxes and wanes as it does. Instead I have purchased a wii fit, which really seems to help in the motivation department. Funny, we got the "physical" training and also "brain" training on Nathaniel's DS. Eric and I have signed onto both systems and are starting to compete which is a great drive for me.

I believe that one of the things that has positively impacted my weight is a reduction (which I wouldn't call significant at this point) of my starbucks intake. Part financial, part health, part logistical, I'm sure that it's helping to do its part. I can actually go by one of the many near me without stopping EVERY time, which is a definite improvement. While I feel Terese's pain in regards to the "poor man's cafe mocha", I haven't ramped back up to 3 times a week mode and hope to stay away from it.

My caloric intake is still atrocious, but lets work on one or two things at a time.

1) I have been doing somewhat better taking the meds, also found out that one medication (lamictal for seizures) I can take in one dose instead of 2, and that helps.
2) I have "purchased" additional motivation in the fitness department and because this is such a quick and convenient way to get ANY exercise in, I think it will have a more lasting effect.

I will probably post more on my blog the other things going on in my life.

I just want to thank you Terri, from the bottom of my heart for giving a little of that tough love we need sometimes. :)

2 weeks post op

Ok, as of last Tuesday, I was down 9 lbs. since surgery, 12 total since I started my program. Woohoo!! My scale must be broken at home because it keeps telling me I still weigh 250 lbs. (I was 244 at my last visit). But I sure can tell by my clothing. My boobs have deflated and I'm actually wearing bras I haven't worn in a couple of years. All of my pants are loose in the legs and yesterday when I was picking up dirty clothes in the kids' rooms, my ring fell off my finger!! I've N-E-V-E-R had that happen. Oh, and did I tell you, I have knees?:) I could actually feel the top of my knee where my thigh comes down to it. The week before, I found out I had ankles too - very cute ones I might add. . .

It's really kinda weird to me. I'm not even hungry any more. I have to keep up with my liquids and my schedule they put me on, but it's more like an "oh, I'm getting tired, I better eat" kinda thing, not a hunger thing. I'm not having cravings like I was. If you know me, I had Mt. Dew running through my veins. I haven't had one craving for that or any pop.

What was really weird to my hubby last night was the fact that we had left overs! I put a roast w/potatoes and carrots on and made noodles. When they got done eating, they had a ton left. So just imagine what $$$$ we're going to save by (1) eating less and (2) time and energy spent cooking. I figure I save at least $20 a week by not visiting McDonald's for breakfast, plus when I'd eat lunch with the girls.

So with that, I challenge you. I know we're all trying to lose weight, but what about gaining weight in your pocket book? Where can you save money and calories at? Is it that iced coffee or that breakfast burrito? Can you pledge for a week or two to give it up and see your savings? You can do it! Let me know what your pledge is and keep us updated. Together we can do this!

GOD IS SO GOOD!!

Surgery problem has been solved! After hours of trying to get financing for surgery, I was able to speak with a gal at the surgeon's office. As long as I am able to pay everything before my surgery date of 9-3-08, I can make payments instead of having to come up with it by next Wednesday. That is feasible! I might have to rob Peter to pay Paul, but it's within reach. Oh, I'm so excited!! Finally, I'm going to reach my goal:)

I feel fantastic!!

Ok, so maybe not the title you're glad to hear if you're having a bad month, but I really do feel fantastic and I have to share! I don't know if it's just because I know I'm in the home stretch of my surgery, but I've been working out 2 - 3 times per week and really enjoying it. If you know me. . .I've NEVER enjoyed working out. It was always too much like work. I'm seeing it trickle over into other things also. I have more energy and I'm not as hungry as I usually am - plus, I'm craving better foods. (Not the normal double cheeseburger and fries -- although I'm not turning away pizza.)

I think I just finally know I'm going to get the help I've needed for so long. After all the years of trying, failing and gaining more weight, I know I can't do this on my own and this tool is going to help me so much.

I hope your month is going well. I'll keep you gals in my prayers and hope your succeeding in all your goals! Love ya!

I did it! How about you?. . .

Ok, it may have taken me 7 months, but I finally met with the gal at the YMCA Friday and she walked me through an hour + workout including cardio and muscle building (toning). I was so sore yesterday, but today I'm moving pretty good:) I am going back today to do it for the first time on my own. (Say a prayer I don't croak!) My goal is to do this every M-W-F and walk the off days.

What are you gals doing?????

Final weigh in!

Ok, I went to my final weigh-in . . .I lost just under a pound! Honestly, I expected to go in and hear that I had GAINED 5 lbs. So any loss is better than any gain. Now I just have to wait for the paperwork to be submitted to the insurance and then see if they approve or deny. Say an extra prayer that they approve it this time. If they do, I may be looking at a surgery date of late June or sometime in July depending on the surgeon’s schedule and vacation.

As you know, the past couple of months have been really hard. I think I fell into the rut where I knew I was going to “never eat these things again” and really craved the sweets and, I admit it, I ate them. At my appointment last night I think something finally clicked. When the dietician told me how important it is after surgery to make sure that I am getting all of my nutrients in each meal, it hit me that I’m going to be eating a lot less and my body needs the right stuff. And I’M WORTH IT!!! If I waste it on something sweet and sinful, I’m not going to nourish my body. I am now going to be forcing myself to eat to live . . . not living to eat! It is so wrong that it’s taken me 33 ½ years to figure this out?!

Weigh-In Update

Ok, I went and weighed in yesterday. I lost .6 lbs - yep, that's about 1/2 a pound - but I'll take it!! A small loss is better than a small gain:) I have one more weigh-in next month and then they will resubmit my information to my insurance company and, hopefully, then I'll be scheduled for my surgery.

I have been doing a lot better on the exercise part. I walked with the kids Wednesday night and then last night after supper Chely wanted to know if "we walk?" So I walked while her, Ginger and Jackson rode their bikes. I'd say we got a good 30 minutes in.

So how are all of you doing on your goals? Updates, girls, updates! :)

P.S. Thanks for any all all encouragement and prayers.

Day one... welcome to day one...

Hello. Sorry for the link, but I can't help but hear these two in my head every time I think about the title of today's entry. :)

"Today" actually started last night for me. I had a particularly tough day yesterday, because I'm essentially doing 2 jobs right now (software trainer/help desk and my regular job). By the time I got home I was having one of those you'd-better-lay-down-or-who-knows-what-will-happen feelings. So I did that, and Eric and Nat made some frozen pizza for dinner.
(one goal missed, skipped on the stim/massage treatments)
Evening passed and when it got closer to bed time, I *did* take my sleeping pill and my supplements.
I slept like a rock, the drugs do really help me there, I can tell that I'm getting better sleep because I am dreaming again, and I'm not fighting to get up in the morning.
Morning... I got up and rushed around the house to get us ready to go, in somewhat of my normal routine, but there isn't much structure to it. I did take my be good to yourself and don't have a panic attack pill, so another +1 for me.
During the day, I was too busy to do the stim like I am supposed to, but I held up better as the day went on. I treated myself to a coffee (skim milk, of course) when I was doing the mail and stretched that process out as long as I could to get some rest.
Evening...
This is what I'm most proud of. I got home, spent some time with Nat, then:
1) I showered
2) Got back in the shower a second time to shave (I know, TMI, you'll see where I'm going with this in a minute)
3) Took my supplements
4) Made a very simple dinner, though Nat was already crashed out by this time
5) While dinner was cooking I unloaded the dishwasher, did the dishes in the sink and cleaned the sink (all the while feeling very... fuzzy, it's hard to describe in words how I feel, I'm hoping that the more I write the better it will come to me)
***ADD TO GOALS...*** Go to bed with a clean sink every night
6) Now, I put Nat to bed, had some of my dinner and started writing.
It's only 8:20 pm so I will still have time to do the stim/massage before I take my sleepy pill and crash.

SOOOOOOO....
I will have accomplished all of my tasks for the day and even added a few things in for good measure. While I understand that all of this will seem very menial to the average person and a part of your "normal" day, this is the most that I have done in one evening in some time.

I have a really hard time, even with a new job and a new schedule which is supposed to accommodate my deficits, I still have a very hard time forcing myself to slow down and set a pace for the WHOLE DAY. This seems like a great start, so I am just going to keep at it.