Hello????

Where did everyone go? Thanksgiving is over and Christmas is 23 days away, so you can't tell me you don't have time to check in or at least let us know how you did over turkey day. . . Come on girls, move it!! :)

I'm sitting here thinking, "why is it that I want to be held "accountable" for just my weight?" What about all those other things in my life that I should be holding myself accountable for, like praying and spending time with my kids or even just paying my bills on time? I think today I'm going to start doing that. Will you join me? I want to have more time in my day to pray about things and not so much reminisce, but reflect on certain things in my life. I want to be more accountable for things I'm doing, why I'm doing it and be able to say no to those things I don't need in my life. The things that take time away from getting my hands dirty with my kids or cuddling with my hubby. Those things that keep my life from being simpler.

My goal today is to find 15 minutes where I can talk to Jesus and clear my mind.

Jingle Bell Run Update

Today was the Jingle Bell Run and I had high hopes that were soon squashed.

I got there early enough to get a walk in to warm up, so I could start off the race runing instead of walking. Which was cool - and it worked. For about 1k.

(start of race - I'm at the far left of pic, in purple jacket)

After that first 1k, my left ankle really started hurting and I slowed to a walk. A slow walk. Even that hurt. I thought - "I can't make it up this hill - not at all!" (from JCCC entrance on College to the corner of Quivira for those who know the area). Yanked my headphones from my ears, hoping the sound of the cards whizzing past would stir up my adrenaline a little. I literally had tears falling down my cheeks as I got mad at myself for being this "fragile" and easily broken. I honestly thought it would be better to just stop, sit down and have myself a good cry.

But, I didn't. I kept walking. I adjusted my expectations and decided that to WALK (even really slowly) and finish would be better than to feel sorry for myself and stop.

Eventully a nice woman named Bridget stepped up beside me and struck up a conversation. I matched her pace and she got me through the race. Literally. Without her, I don't think I would have finished. We talked about being atheletes in high school and husbands and kids and God and who knows what else. Anything to keep from focusing on how the race wasn't turning out to be what we expected and to keep us moving. I also reazlied at some point my ankle stopped hurting and I probably could have run again (and run the whole rest of the way!)- but I thought that talking to her was more important than trying to get a lower time.

As we got close to the end, I said "you wanna sprint it out?" (We had both been sprinters in high school - but it sounds like she was much better than I was!) She agreed and off we went. That last 100 meters felt GREAT (and they got pics of it...)!

(me in purple, Bridget in red)

The sprint didn't make a lot of difference to my time (kept me under 51 minutes but that's about it) but it made a world of difference to my attitude. To know that I finished the race and that I could overcome my internal issues was really cool. So - thank you Bridget wherever you might be now. I owe this race to you!

================
Official results
50:46.8
(same as my iPod and watch)

Women 30-34
24th

Overall
269

sprinting to the finish line -->

2 month weight loss

I went back to my surgeon yesterday for my 2 month follow-up. I am down another 8 lbs for a total of 21.2 lbs!! Woohooo!!! He didn't give me another fill. He thinks where I'm at right now is perfect and wants to go another month and see how it goes. I have found a couple of foods that that I really can't eat anymore, bread, which I knew was a possibility, salad and hot dogs (I love the turkey ones). But maybe down the road. Things change;) Still having NO CRAVINGS, which is awesome. My energy seems to have leveled off, but I'm hoping that will change as I drop more weight and exercise more. Plus, we've all been fighting that stomach bug in our house - yuck!

My next thing is working on my hubby. I have some ground turkey in the fridge I'm going to try to get past him tonight ala turkey chili:) We'll see if he can tell. He wasn't up for my eggbeaters and turkey burgers earlier this week, but I still love him . . .

I hope all is going well with your work out plans & accountability:)

Running Update

After the Pumpkin Run I hit a small snag and didn't do anything for THREE weeks. Yeah - bad - I know. I was really hurting after the run, as it was really the first time I'd been on the road instead of a treadmill and it is much different on the legs! Then, everyone in the family got sick off and on and it wasn't worth it to me to try to run at that point.

But, since I said I'd be doing the Jingle Bell 5k on Sunday, 16 November, I figured I better get my booty moving!

Since last Sunday was such a pretty day and I woke up early even with the time change, I went for a 3-miler outside. Amazing to me was that my time was pretty close to what I did the Pumpkin Run in, so maybe the break wasn't a bad thing.

Last night I had a meeting that I was pretty pumped after, so I decided to run after the kids went to bed. I wasn't able to do the full three miles but I was able to run at about an 11-minute pace for a solid 15-minutes. That's another first for me!

Although we're heading into cold weather now, I have realized that I like running outside more than inside. Here's a few reason why:

1. Quitting on a treadmill is way too easy - outside you have to make it all the way back home, whether you want to stop moving or not!
   
2. There are more "good distractions" outside - like bumps in the road, cars, other people. There are more "bad distractions" inside - kids, spouse, TV, telephone, computer
   
3. There are more "next points" outside - "I can make it to the next....pole, sign, crack in the sidewalk, tree, the next car passes, the next runner passes, etc. Inside, the only "next points" are songs and commercials - or ticks of the clock!
   
4. FRESH AIR! Plus the occasional cold breeze is much better than depending on the ceiling fan in a heated house!
   
5. If I talk to myself while running - words of encouragement, of course - no one is around to give me funny looks. My husband, on the other hand, comes and makes fun of me talking to myself. :-)

Photo update

Ok, I'm now about 8 weeks or so out from surgery. Things are going well. I was on a good run with the working out, but it has seemed to be put on the back burner the past 2 weeks with everything else going on. So I need to get back into that. Say an extra prayer for me, would ya!:) I did have my first official "fill" on 10-9-08 of 2 cc's. That was interesting. But boy, was the Doc right when he said you'll find things you'll no longer be able to eat (i.e., bread and certain meats). I found out the hard way what happens when you find something like that or try to eat too fast. You regret it about a second later!

I have noticed my taste buds have really changed. I haven't had one craving since surgery, which just blows my mind. I find I want to fall into the same old habits even though I'm not hungry at all. My stomach still growls even though I'm not hungry. I actually went to bed last night without supper -- I didn't realize it until this morning when I woke up!!

I don't have an official "weight loss" amount. I'm refusing to weigh myself except for when I'm at my doctor's office because his scale is weighing me different than mine. So I'll give another up date after I go back for my monthly visit on 11-13-08.

I'm also seeing positive results trickeling over into my family. My hubby isn't eating as much and is still tossing the idea around of having surgery one day too. My kids are starting to slow down eating because they see me eating slower and less. Although, I do still have to get on my 6-year-old to slow down and actually taste his food instead of inhaling it! We're just a work in progress I guess:)

Pumpkin Run/Walk Results

The Pumpkin Run was last Saturday and the results are in...

My official race time was 51:17 with a shot gun start. For those of you who are non-runners or newbies like me, this means that everyone's time is based off the shotgun (start) but not unnecessarily a specific indicator of how fast each individual actually ran, since it takes some time for each runner to actually cross the finish line!

Since I had my iPod and handy Nike+attached, I was able to get my "actual" time as well. For me, this was 41:04. My goal was to finish in less than 45 minutes and I DID IT! Yea me!

I didn't get an "official" race photo, so you don't get to see me in my pretty BRIGHT orange t-shirt. But, I was there and it was fun.

Next race...Jingle Bell 5k on November 16 (other than cold...it's supposed to be very cold...we'll see how THAT works!)

Thanks Amanda!

So - I took Amanda's advice on my last post and tried two things - going FASTER when I was down and grabbing a focus point (next pole, next, X, next Y, etc) and both helped.

I found that once I lengthened my stride and "sped up", I wasn't hurting quite as much and bouncing much less. That was good. My calves are still very tight no matter what but I think part of that is from the lack of physical exercise for years and part might be my shoes. I really need to get those figured out.

On the second item, it's hard to get a "focus point" since I'm on a treadmill. But, I did push myself through "this slow part" or sometimes "to the next chorus" based on the song that was on. Also, since I have the TV on ("Clean House" with closed captioning tonight) I could push myself to the next part of the show - the end of the yard sale, through this commercial, etc. That seemed to help too, as I wasn't as focused on the exact passage of time but I still had a general sense of long had passed since the show has a definite timeline.

Last, but certainly not least, when I got really mad at myself at the end, I said "Dammit Girl, you can DO this! You gave NATURAL BIRTH to TWO munchkins. This shit is NOTHING!" And, my body knew that! I just had to remind myself that if I survived giving birth and raising two boys to the age of almost 7 then running for 35 minutes is NOTHING in the big scheme of things. And if I can do childbirth I can do damn near anything! :-)

OH - and for those who care, I went for 36 minutes tonight at a 13:53 pace for 2.57 miles! LONGEST DISTANCE EVER. Which is good since I have a 5k on Saturday and I was debating whether I'd be able to finish at all. I think I can now! :-)

What was that noise????

It came from deep below, a large bellowing sound in the middle of the night. What could it be? Was it a ghost, a wolf, a monster? That’s when we discovered. . .it was my stomach! Ha! It was hungry, but I wasn’t! I have never had that happen. In fact, my husband asked me, “What was that noise?” “Ummm, just my tummy! Sorry, honeyJ” You should have seen the look he gave me.

That’s just one of the little changes I’ve noticed since my surgery on September 3rd. But it’s the little things I seem to notice the most. The bras and shirts that now fit that I haven’t worn in years, that may actually be a little loose. The jeans that are loose and the small of my back that my hubby says I now have. (He claims I’ve lost weight in my mid back down to the small in my back, which shows that I actually have one now!) Why didn’t I do this sooner? I should have done this a few years ago and I could have been chasing my kids around sooner.
And cravings! Let’s talk about that for a minute. I’m still not having any cravings. That just baffles me. I just can’t get use to that. No cravings for pop, chocolate or anything. Sometimes I get a “boring” taste in my mouth, but that’s quickly fixed with some juice or a mint.

If you are reading this and seriously considering weight loss surgery (WLS), I highly recommend it! I'm seeing now how much time I've lost even knowing I could never do it on my own!

Running Advice Needed!

Help! I just completed another 20+ minute walk/run and although I recorded my best mile to date (13:36 according to my Nike+ and Tiger Woods...) I can't seem to get past this 20-minute marker consistently - I was supposed to do 30 minutes run/walk tonight and couldn't go longer than 21 minutes.

I know I should probably slow my pace down, but that hurts so much more than running faster! I could walk the whole time, but I think that's defeating the purpose as well. Switching between walking and running is what's hurting me physically.

So - any hints on how to master this beginning part of my training? I can't seem to find a consistent pace/pattern to make it work well. I'll take any thoughts from novices and pros alike. Just HELP ME!

MY FIRST RACE

I just signed up to do my first "race" - The Jared Coones Pumpkin Run/Walk 5k here in Olathe, KS. It's a 3-mile course that I'm somewhat familiar with as it's in my BF Tina's old neighbordhood, more or less (I think...)

I know I can do 3 miles within an hour easily and hopefully I can push myself to do better than that. But, this adventure will be a good thing for me, no matter how I do. At the very least, I'll get a sense of what participating in a run will be like and what are some of the "To Do / NOT To Do" tips I've read might work for me (or not).

I'm also trying to raise additional funds for this worthy cause along with running in it. If you could contribute to my tiny little goal of $100, I would really appreciate it. Please follow this link to make a pledge now. Any amount will help me meet this goal!! THANKS!

Recent Workout

Sorry for the lack of updates - busy busy girl.

Tonight, best ever in lots of areas!

Time: 30 minutes - longest ever!
Mileage: 2 miles - farthest ever!
Pace: 14:45 - not my best ever, but still pretty good for me!
Calories Burned: 265 - probably the most ever, except maybe on the day I gave birth to the twins! :)

Days till Marathon - 185 and counting...

:-)

2 weeks post op

Ok, as of last Tuesday, I was down 9 lbs. since surgery, 12 total since I started my program. Woohoo!! My scale must be broken at home because it keeps telling me I still weigh 250 lbs. (I was 244 at my last visit). But I sure can tell by my clothing. My boobs have deflated and I'm actually wearing bras I haven't worn in a couple of years. All of my pants are loose in the legs and yesterday when I was picking up dirty clothes in the kids' rooms, my ring fell off my finger!! I've N-E-V-E-R had that happen. Oh, and did I tell you, I have knees?:) I could actually feel the top of my knee where my thigh comes down to it. The week before, I found out I had ankles too - very cute ones I might add. . .

It's really kinda weird to me. I'm not even hungry any more. I have to keep up with my liquids and my schedule they put me on, but it's more like an "oh, I'm getting tired, I better eat" kinda thing, not a hunger thing. I'm not having cravings like I was. If you know me, I had Mt. Dew running through my veins. I haven't had one craving for that or any pop.

What was really weird to my hubby last night was the fact that we had left overs! I put a roast w/potatoes and carrots on and made noodles. When they got done eating, they had a ton left. So just imagine what $$$$ we're going to save by (1) eating less and (2) time and energy spent cooking. I figure I save at least $20 a week by not visiting McDonald's for breakfast, plus when I'd eat lunch with the girls.

So with that, I challenge you. I know we're all trying to lose weight, but what about gaining weight in your pocket book? Where can you save money and calories at? Is it that iced coffee or that breakfast burrito? Can you pledge for a week or two to give it up and see your savings? You can do it! Let me know what your pledge is and keep us updated. Together we can do this!

Recovery

Ok, so I'm about a week post-op. If my scales are right, I'm about 12 lbs. down -- woohoo!!! So far the liquid diet was the worst part. Unfortunately it took it's toll on me (emotionally) the 3rd day in, but thanks to my loving husband and kids, I (and them) survived it. Right now I'm surviving on liquids, instant breakfast, broths, cream soups, protidiet drinks and applesauce. The cottage cheese with milk and fruit blended up was not as appealing to the taste buds as I thought it would be. It's really hard to get everything in that they want you to consume/drink. I'm just not hungry. Yes, you heard me right - NOT HUNGRY!!

But tell me this, why is it when you're in the hospital or at home sick and you really can't eat, that the only thing on TV is cooking shows??? I just don't understand that one:)

I have a follow-up with my surgeon this afternoon, so I'll keep you updated on what he says. Hope all is well your way!

Liquid what???. . . .

Here we go! I’m on my first day of my liquid diet. For breakfast I opted to make the chocolate into a pudding instead of a shake. Not bad, just a slight aftertaste, and a little dense, but not as bad as I thought it would be. Definitely better than Slim Fast! It did take me about 2 hours to eat it though. It was the mix with 4 oz. of water. But by the time I was finished, I had gotten use to it.

I don't really have a before image of myself, but thanks to you-know-who, I have a small shot from our get-together. Yep, that's really one arm -- just be glad you can't see my butt!:) I'll try to get a head to toe picture taken tonight and then maybe update as I go along.

If you get a chance today, say an extra prayer for me. I don’t think it will be the food that is going to be hard for me these first few days, but the low sugar levels. I have to get use to my blood sugar being lower than I’m use to.

P.S. I will be off the whole first week of September for my surgery on 9-3-08. I will try to update as the hospital has wi-fi in the rooms:)

'nuff said

Click the blog title to be taken to 'berlygirl blog :)

My Adventure Revealed

Well, if you know me, you know I'm really bad at keeping secrets. Especially ones about myself. And even more so about things I'm excited to share (Christmas is a mighty tough time for me to live through!)

So - since I've told my family AND gotten the go-ahead from the hubby AND my kids are pushing me out the door pretty much every day to do this AND I've already "let it slip" to a lot of people at my job, I guess there's not a lot of reason to keep it a secret anymore. Besides, you all can encourage me in my journey as is the point of this blog. :-)

I'm training to run a marathon!

There's several reasons why I've decided to do this (some more personal and abstract then others) but regardless it's a huge thing for me to say I'm going to do. I was a sprinter in high school track (not a GOOD sprinter, but definitely not a long-distance runner) and I played tennis and soccer. So - lots of up-on-the-toes running and not really long stamina needed. Basically the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of a marathon runner.

I have a 31-week training grid that started tonight. Just a 20-minute walk to start with, but it was surprising how tight my legs were and how hard it was for me to breath. All those years as a smoker are doing me in a little I think. But, the grid is very gradual and I don't even get to tracking distance versus time until week 12 or so - until then it's just building up walk/run time until I can get to 30-minutes of solid running only. (I've modified the 26-week grid from http://www.marathonrookie.com/)

I've probably also gone a little over the top in getting "ready" for this. Like new running clothes. And a sports watch (cheap and pink, but still, did I really need one?). An armband for my iPod. And of course the Nike+ sensor for my iPod (I don't have Nike+ shoes, but the sensor behaves just fine in my free New Balance shoes).

The Nike+ is probably my favorite little gadget EVER. I don't have to look at my new sports watch to track my time or calculate my speed - it does it for me! During my 20-minute walk today, the guy told me when I had gone 5, 10, 15,16,17,18,19 and 20 minutes. At any time I could push my button and find out how far I'd gone (and OK - it took me the full 20 minutes to go 1 mile. Realizing it takes me longer to do a mile outside than on my treadmill. For the record though, I went up a REALLY STEEP hill beside my house - like the first 10 minutes were uphill and the second half was back DOWN the hill).

Anyway...

The marathon I'm aiming for right now is the Olathe Marathon on March 29, 2009. Yes, exciting I know. But, if I survive that then I'll probably do the Kansas City Marathon in October 2009. Before the marathon I'm hoping to get in a few 5k and 10k, but because of when I'm starting training there won't be a lot of races to pick in the winter. If you know of any in the greater KC area between October and February, please pass them on.

But, let's just do this one step at a time... :-)

New Adventure

I'm embarking on a new healthy venture but I'm electing NOT to talk about it just yet. Just know that I've got a very INTENSE goal in mind that should culminate at the end of March next year. Yeah - about 32 weeks from now. And no, I'm not pregnant before anyone gets THAT bright idea in their head! :P

Don't worry - I WILL be sharing and soon - probably sometime within the next two weeks. I just need to do a little more research and be sure I'm truly up for the task - mentally more than physically. Physically I know I can make myself do darn near anything - mentally I have to make sure I'm not taking on too much and going to drive myself a little crazy in the process. But, I think it will be good.

Right now, the only person who knows is the hubby. And he actually said he'd support me in this endeavor. I don't know if he realizes that means there are days he's going to have to watch the kids for a few hours or that some days I may be more crabby than normal.

Anyway - know that there's stuff going on over here but I'm just not ready to share (or be held accountable for it!) Love to you all!

Surgery is a go!

FYI: I went for my pre-op appointment yesterday. Even though I've gained a few pounds back, we're still a go for surgery. I guess that's not all that uncommon. The gal in there with me is having a gastric bypass done and she gained weight back too! So as of 8-28-08 I have to start my liquid diet to clean my liver out for a safter surgery. Then on 9-3-08 I have to be at the hospital at 8:00 a.m. and they will probably take me back for surgery around 10:00 a.m. or so. They said to plan on spending the night, but some patients do get to go home the same day, so it may be a pleasant surprise.

Thank you for all your support and prayers during this time. I'm sure I'm going to need even more after surgery!!

Hope all is well your way. Don't forget to give an update on how you gals are doing.

Love & Miss you!

GOD IS SO GOOD!!

Surgery problem has been solved! After hours of trying to get financing for surgery, I was able to speak with a gal at the surgeon's office. As long as I am able to pay everything before my surgery date of 9-3-08, I can make payments instead of having to come up with it by next Wednesday. That is feasible! I might have to rob Peter to pay Paul, but it's within reach. Oh, I'm so excited!! Finally, I'm going to reach my goal:)

Good Husband

OK - so I haven't written in a LONG time again - that's just adhering to the old "No News is Good News" - right? Well, it's not all good of course, but there's nothing overly WRONG right now and nothing for which I need accounting. I'm doing the right things (more water, less soda, 1 coffee per day, working out - especially the karate) and very few of the bad (very little sweets or high carb foods) and the results are (s...l...o...w...l...y...) appearing.

Case in point...

This morning before I got completely dressed, my hubby looked me over and said "Are you losing weight?"

I thought 'Really? Cool!'

I told him "No, not losing per se, but I'm definitely toning up more and looking slimmer in my waist."

And he said - "Definitely. IT SHOWS."

Whoo hoo!

Good husband!

Dear Lord . . .

Lord help me . . . I can feel the PMS coming on already! Please watch over those around me and help them understand it's not me - it's just the PMS:)

I do need your prayers though. I am running into a snag with the money for my surgery. Even though it's only a small portion of the entire charge it is a large portion to my family of 5 ($1665.00). The money we had planned to use is unfortunately not there right now due to unforseen circumstances. Please just pray for me that this works out. It has really brought me down over the past couple of days and I know if I am meant to have this surgery now it will work out and God will provide. If not, it wasn't meant to be done on 9-3-08 for some reason unknown to me.

Surgery date!!

My surgeon's office just called and everything came back normal on my echocardiogram and nuclear stress test from Monday. So I now have a surgery date! Wednesday, September 3rd. I go for my pre-op appointment on 8-14-08 at 8:30 a.m. and then they will give me a time I have to be there on 9-3-08.

I feel fantastic!!

Ok, so maybe not the title you're glad to hear if you're having a bad month, but I really do feel fantastic and I have to share! I don't know if it's just because I know I'm in the home stretch of my surgery, but I've been working out 2 - 3 times per week and really enjoying it. If you know me. . .I've NEVER enjoyed working out. It was always too much like work. I'm seeing it trickle over into other things also. I have more energy and I'm not as hungry as I usually am - plus, I'm craving better foods. (Not the normal double cheeseburger and fries -- although I'm not turning away pizza.)

I think I just finally know I'm going to get the help I've needed for so long. After all the years of trying, failing and gaining more weight, I know I can't do this on my own and this tool is going to help me so much.

I hope your month is going well. I'll keep you gals in my prayers and hope your succeeding in all your goals! Love ya!

Exercise Games

It's been over two months since my last post... Wow - did that sound like the start of a Catholic confession or what??

Anyway, I really don't have much to say about the goal tending. I'm sucking on it big time! But, I am doing the karate every week, which is why I'm finally writing. I feel so much better every Wednesday morning than I do any other morning (except Sundays when I actually drag my butt to church and get my infusion of God!)

Anyway, with the Karate, I'm not only learning the self-defense moves and having fun with my kids, but I've also learned two cool "warm-up" routines (they call them GAMES at the dojo - HA!) that I wanted to share with you all!

===========================================
RUNNING THROUGH THE WOODS
Essentially, you are simply running in place. Mostly. With some twists. Every once in awhile, the leader will yell out "bird", "rock", "river", "hill", "bear", etc. and you have to do the required action to avoid the obstacle. Here's the list of actions:

1. Bird: squat down, then get up and start jogging again
2. Rock: jump up, then resume jogging
3. Bear: run in place fast, like you're being chased by a bear! When leader says you're safe, resume jogging
4. Hill: "surf" (one arm in front and one arm over your head, one foot in front, and the other back) down the hill. Once you're 'at the bottom' resume regular jogging again
5. River: Swim across the river then resume jogging "on the other side"
6. Tree: Side steps to get around tree. Resume jogging "on the other side"
7. Fallen Tree: hold arms out like you're on a balance beam and walk slowly "across" the log. Resume jogging "on the other side"
8. Mountain: "Climb" using arms and legs. For the "down part of the mountain", sit on your butt and bounce like you're sliding down. Resume jogging "at the bottom"

You can do these with your kids, with you acting as the part of the leader, calling out the obstacles and showing them what to do. Once they get the hang of it, let THEM be the leader (then it becomes a serious workout, cuz you never know what kids will do!). It's even more fun to combine them - say bird AND a rock at the same time or in quick sequence. Or, run into birds, rocks and trees while running from the bear. Or have a river on the mountain. You can just have all sorts of fun with this one!

===========================================
BALANCING ACT

This is more of a cool down, but it definitely strengthens your legs AND FEET!

Simply stand on one leg for as long as possible, then hop-switch to the other one (only one foot can ever be touching!) and stand on that as long as possible.

As a competition, you sit down when you stand with both feet until the last person is standing. If no one seems to be falling, make it harder!

1. Start with the 'up' foot parked on the down leg (resting against it)
2. Change it up so the up foot isn't parked.
3. Change again so the up leg has to be high-bent - thigh parallel to the ground.
4. If you need one still harder, have the up leg be STRAIGHT out (entire leg parallel to the ground).

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Hope you all enjoy these. Let me know if you try them out with or without your kids - would love to know what they think too!

Hello????

Ok ladies, why am I the same person that's posted 3 times in a row? Where are ya'll at?

Anyways, I have great news! I just heard from the surgeon's office and my insurance APPROVED my surgery!!!! GOD IS SOOO GOOD! Now I have to wait for another girl to call me next week to set up my pre-op visit and surgery date. And come up with my part of the cost ($1665), which is minus $300 since I'm working out at the YMCA and not driving 1 1/2 hours to their facility to work out. But if you'd like to make a donation to help my cause out, feel free! ha!;)

Have a great 4th of July!!

I did it! How about you?. . .

Ok, it may have taken me 7 months, but I finally met with the gal at the YMCA Friday and she walked me through an hour + workout including cardio and muscle building (toning). I was so sore yesterday, but today I'm moving pretty good:) I am going back today to do it for the first time on my own. (Say a prayer I don't croak!) My goal is to do this every M-W-F and walk the off days.

What are you gals doing?????

Goodbye June!!

Where did this month go? It feels like it was just the beginning of June. I can't say I'm not happy that it's almost over though. This month I found out that my surgery hasn't even been submitted yet to my insurance. We were waiting on my psych eval to be sent to the drs. office.

I finally got an email Tuesday that it was being submitted that day, only to find out later in the day that I was supposed to have had a cardiac evaluation along with my EKG. My (new) PCP dropped the ball. He is not in favor of me having surgery and would not refer me to a cardiologist because he didn't feel it was necessary and thought my insurance wouldn't pay for it. So I went ahead and had the EKG done on my own at the cardiac unit at the hospital. Then I find out yesterday, that back in December, Dr. Zee from Riverside faxed a letter to my PCP explaining why I needed it. To date, I've never heard from my PCP that he even got that. So I am now trying to get in to my old PCP that moved to Dayton and a referral from Riveside to have the cardiac consult done before I can have a pre-op appointment with Dr. Myers, which I understand all of that. I just wish it wasn't taking this long.

In the wake of all that frustration, I think I've gained 5 pounds! But some of that is from good happenings this month too:) My highlights were Ginger turning 10 yesterday, doing Relay for Life and Terese and her boys coming to Ohio to visit. (BTW - thanks for a great time Kim & Terese!) Other than that, it's just been so busy, I've been relying on convience food to save time. But that is stopping today. T-ball is over and I'm going to learn to say no to things I don't absolutely have to do.

My plan/goal is to eat a carnation instant breakfast every morning w/ 1/2 a banana a light lunch and dinner with the family. My exercise has included walking to the library and playing with the rugrats. I'm awaiting a call from the gal at our YMCA about starting a 12 week exercise program. Now if I can just get her to call me back. . . .:)

So what are your plans/goals for July? Yes gals, I'm talking to YOU!

Ummmm.... hellooooooo

Okay ladies, time for some tough love.
Where have you been, what have you been doing, be accountable!!!! :)

My weight is still at 186, but I just spent the last week in Arizona and Mexico being spoiled by a Momma. Complete with lasagna (homemade sauce, of course) and my MOST favorite dessert, tiramisu. I think that keeping weight at this point is a surprise.

Unfortunately, prior to that I had had a significant gain and needed to make some FAST changes to drop weight before the trip. 6 pounds in fact. I wish that it was that easy for EVERY 6 pounds I need to lose. Unfortunately, fatigue has not been my friend and it's been easier to eat bad food... that just happens to be convenient and taste really good.
Also, unfortunately, I am having some other health issues, the "episodes", be it seizures or panic or both, have become more frequent and I am hoping to be getting to the bottom of the issues soon.

On the plus side, in a few weeks (starting in July) I will have one day or more off each week so I should be able to get things into HIGH GEAR.

I really miss hearing from both of you. GET ON THE STICK!!!! :D

Final weigh in!

Ok, I went to my final weigh-in . . .I lost just under a pound! Honestly, I expected to go in and hear that I had GAINED 5 lbs. So any loss is better than any gain. Now I just have to wait for the paperwork to be submitted to the insurance and then see if they approve or deny. Say an extra prayer that they approve it this time. If they do, I may be looking at a surgery date of late June or sometime in July depending on the surgeon’s schedule and vacation.

As you know, the past couple of months have been really hard. I think I fell into the rut where I knew I was going to “never eat these things again” and really craved the sweets and, I admit it, I ate them. At my appointment last night I think something finally clicked. When the dietician told me how important it is after surgery to make sure that I am getting all of my nutrients in each meal, it hit me that I’m going to be eating a lot less and my body needs the right stuff. And I’M WORTH IT!!! If I waste it on something sweet and sinful, I’m not going to nourish my body. I am now going to be forcing myself to eat to live . . . not living to eat! It is so wrong that it’s taken me 33 ½ years to figure this out?!

:( me too

I am an absolute mess!
I suppose I'm feeling accountable, but convicted is more like it.

* I haven't been taking my meds properly
* My weight is easily back to where I started, if not higher
because...
* I have not been working out
* I have been eating like Armageddon is around the corner (speaking of which, have we ever had this many horrific events in one week?)
* I am having issues with Nathaniel's behaviour which made for a mother's day not quite as I expected it, and I am just at the end of my rope with him right now.
* Work has become stressful, culminating with the fact that one of our employees is going to be terminated at a critical time of the year and I will have to absorb at least SOME of her duties when I already feel overloaded
* Our house is an absolute disaster and our feeble attempts to get things up and running are constantly sabotaged by my own laziness, fatigue and not-giving-a-crap
* I have felt terrible lately, mostly due to some potential neurological issues/and or impending allergy season, but most likely due to items 1 - 3

I am completely back in crisis mode AGAIN and the thought of breaking this all back down again and starting somewhere is enough to make me want to crawl in a corner somewhere. I suppose I HAVE been doing that to some extent. I have been taking some extra long weekend naps lately.

I can't even begin to think of where to start.

I feel what you both are saying about the sweets, I think that that is one of my hugest hurdles but will be the hardest to overcome. I even told Eric that I would nix the sweets if he would work on his smoking because it's the only thing that I feel that closely to. He made some excuse about it meaning that HE would have to give up sugar too and that's where the conversation stopped.

I am just really depressed and discouraged now, because I don't feel like I have made or held myself accountable for my actions for a long time.

Sorry to be such a downer, but that's probably why I haven't been writing. I wish that I had better news to share.

I hope that you are getting back on track.
What can we do TODAY to start digging our way out of this?

Held Accountable

So - I haven't personally written a post since my little poem on April 2. Yep, OVER A MONTH. And, finally, Miss Teri made me feel bad and held me accountable with her little "where did everybody go..." post. *sigh* Guess I asked for it by starting this thing and I should play along now that we're in our 5th month! ;-)

Unfortunately, not a lot to post about out here in Kansas. It's finally getting to be nice weather outside, but I rarely have the time to truly enjoy it. But, I have found the time to start tanning ("fake bake" as a girl at work called it) and I realized how much I need that heavy-duty light! I miss windows - the cubicle world is getting a bit stuffy and old. But, the 12 total minutes I've spent in there so far have made me feel emotionally better, and a little more relaxed, so I think the 1-month membership was worth it (even if hubby does think it's a "waste of money").

Anyway, I'm hoping this month I can drop at least 10 lbs (or 2 inches) before Jazzoo. Yeah - big gala events for work are always my milestones. Or would they be my millstones? Anyway, I'm fairly certain it's not doable, BUT, I will be TAN, which makes me FEEL better and look healthier (Jazzoo was the reason I started fake baking again - not going as a ghost to an event until maybe Hilloween!)

The plan - walking. Lots of it. On days when I don't go to keep up the tan this month during lunch, I shall try to walk at least 30 minutes (although, it is the 8th and I have yet to do it this month!). If not at lunch, I'll try to get it in at home. Which is harded, cuz the house is a freaking mess and I have to get it clean before the 22nd when the sitter starts showing up for the end of May. Does housecleaning burn calories??

Plan continued - food. Gotta figure this part out. We keep some candy and snackies in the house for the boys (just cuz the grown-ups shouldn't eat it, doesn't mean the kids can't have some specials) but I keep eating them. Especially late at night. When I'm up alone. And really.really.really.really.bored. But, can't sleep - hit an insomnia kick again.

So - here I am, being accountable. Hope you enjoyed this step into my world. Later!

Where did everyone go?

Where's everyone at? Has it been that bad of a month already that you don't want to post? Can't be that bad! Come on, update - I want to see how everyone's doing:)

'berlygirl: "Present"

First I just want to start by saying GO Teri!!!
Great to see your post. I'm glad you wrote and found myself convicted to give you guys the skinny myself.

It will be 7 weeks on Wednesday since my first post, and here I am:

starting weight: 188.0
current weight: 184.6

So, I suppose that's not bad considering what a bad March we all had.
I did work out and have gotten outside more in general with the nice weather, so I'm on my way there. Food... ugh. Different story. Oh well, at least I know about it and I can work on getting the things that I like and are healthy back into the rotation. Part of it will be easy with the warm months coming because we grill more, I am pulling out healthier items like grilled chicken, pork chops, etc. If someone could keep me away from the coffee (skim milk or not... it's LOADED with cals) that would be a good start. I just can't give it up. Moving on.

I have been writing... a lot, I hope that this trend will continue.

I haven't been feeling well a good bit of the time lately, distracted at work, been feeling seizure-ish a lot as well, including now. Strangely, I don't know when to slow down and seem to suffer. This causes me to go back and forth between spurts of excessive activity (one night last week, 2 miles eliptical, 1 mile treadmill, and about 4 errands after working out including the grocery store) to downward swings of nothing... like this weekend during which I did next to nothing for two days.

I just feel like I have been running around on the same track over and over again for the last 3 years or so and it's beyond the point of being frustrating.

I am hoping to get a reprieve this summer which will break this cycle. I have one week off in May, my July/August schedule is light, November/December and March, May, repeat.

Well, that's all I have for now, I'm pretty tapped out.

Weigh-In Update

Ok, I went and weighed in yesterday. I lost .6 lbs - yep, that's about 1/2 a pound - but I'll take it!! A small loss is better than a small gain:) I have one more weigh-in next month and then they will resubmit my information to my insurance company and, hopefully, then I'll be scheduled for my surgery.

I have been doing a lot better on the exercise part. I walked with the kids Wednesday night and then last night after supper Chely wanted to know if "we walk?" So I walked while her, Ginger and Jackson rode their bikes. I'd say we got a good 30 minutes in.

So how are all of you doing on your goals? Updates, girls, updates! :)

P.S. Thanks for any all all encouragement and prayers.

A second start . . .

Ok, this has been a difficult couple of months for me. I'm so afraid I'm going to go for my weigh in this Thursday and she's going to tell me again that I've gained weight again. So I got my butt up out of my chair and went walking today at lunch. I was able to do it a few times last week to, but I just feel like I'm back where I started. I guess that's why I think I need this surgery, because this is how it always ends up. I lose 15 - 20 pounds and then gain it back and more. I don't know what they'll say if I go in there and I've gained again. I thought about cancelling and skipping this month, but then I realized that my insurance said I have to be in the program for 6 CONSECUTIVE months.

Then, like I don't feel bad enough already, I took my son to his first ever petland birthday party and he started taking pictures with my camera. He just had to take one of Mommy holding the beared dragon lizard. OMG! what an awful picture - and no, I'm not posting it - I already deleted it;)

So my goals for this week - not month - but week, is to walk every day at lunch and drink an instant breakfast shake with 1/2 a banana. Plus I'm tossing around the idea of calling the YMCA (which I have had a membership at for 2+ years and don't use) and seeing what I have to do to get an exercise routine. I noticed on their webpage they do it for free. Maybe that will get me motivated and my butt in gear!

Getting back on track...

Okay, so I don't have the excuse of breaking my @ss to not be doing so hot with my goals. But whatever.
It's over with, I'm going to do the best I can from here forward.

I took Nathaniel and worked out on Saturday, it was SO fun!
He had a kids class at the church from 9 am - 11 am and after it was over, I planned to take him with me to the local Y and have him hang out there for a bit. I guess that their childcare on Saturdays runs from 9 - 11, so I missed the boat. However, the gym is really small and not widely attended so the employee said that as long as he stayed with me he would be fine.

He by me on the eliptical and the treadmill, and I officially have my own 4 year old trainer! "You aren't going fast enough, Mommy." "Run for me, Mommy, faster!!!"
So I beat myself up on both machines, not for long because it's been too long since I worked out.
Then we head into the track room. We both shot baskets, which was great. They have a few hoops inside for the grown-up types and a basketball game over by the child care room.
THEN... we raced. :) They have a 1/8 mile track, complete with lanes, so we raced two or three times.
THEN... I did some leg weights which happened to be where all of their gymnastic stuff is, so while I lifted, he flipped and flopped around.
Then we headed out. He LOVED it. I think it's really cool and he told me on the way out he loved exercising so we make that a regular thing on the weekend.

I am also thinking about ordering this:

This guy is a saint with a web group I frequent and I think his stuff is worth a shot. My neuropsych really wanted me to start fitting in exercise whenever I can and I think this is what I need to help me get a little more motivated.

I am doing okay on taking my meds as well, finally got out the ol' nursing home day of the week pill dispenser, I think that will help me to stay on track. I want to make sure that it's not that I *THINK* that I'm doing a good job and skipping a few days of the week.

The break in the weather has really helped to improve my mood. Our forecast is fab for the whole week, so I'm hoping that will help me stay on an upward swing...

Okay, my ladies... how are YOU doing???

New Poll

Be sure to take the new poll! Yes, you have to visit the actual blog in order to see it!! ;)

Scaled Back - A Weight-Loss Poem

I walked to the bathroom and what did I see?
The number on the scale winking at me!
The bright green numbers made me smile;
And if I could, I'd have walked a mile!
Since I haven't really been up to the task
Really, what more could this girl ask?
The numbers had shown a respectful dive
and stood out gleaming...

165!

Bring on April!

In about 30 mintues it will be April - can I get a Hallelujah?!?!

Although March officially 'broke' me, I know there were some high points:

• Turned 34 and survived.
• Won 2 movie tickets in a raffle.
• Found a new snack/meal thing that I just CRAVE (details below).
• Watched my first karate tourney where both sons did well and 1 even brought home a 1st place trophy! (yes, my kids' successes I claim as a high point!)
• Both boys brought home fairly decent grade cards (although Emily didn't...*sigh*).

Well, that's ony 5 things, but that's better than not being able to find ANY!

So - snack/meal thingy. I crave this so much that I'll probay go make myself another bowl when I'm done writing!

• 1/2 c. Dannon Light & Fit Vanilla Yogurt
• 1/2 c. Trail Mix Crunch cereal (Maple Nut & Brown Sugar flavor)
• handful of blueberries and/or sliced strawberries
• Layer as listed and eat - YUMMY!

Yeah - basically it's the yogurt parfait you can get at McDonald's, but the granola is more than just granola with the brown sugar and nuts. I think that's what I like it so much! Anyway, it makes a great quick snack or a great breakfast. And it's pretty darn healthy!

Now that's I've been relagated to sitting on a funky cushion or lying around all the time, I have SO much energy and I want to work out. Isn't that just the way it is with life?? Any suggestions people have for lying down exercises that don't involved my booty (which of course NEEDS the workout!) please share. Anything upper body related would be great (although nothing with weights or that requires repetitive arm movements - I don't know how, but I've got both tennis elbow AND golf elbow in my left arm and I'm supposed to rest it).

Here's to April and the JOY of putting March behind me!!

Help!!

I'm in need of some motiviation, inspiration, or whatever you want to call it. I don't know if it's just PMS-ing or stress, but I'm finding it very hard to be motivated and not go back to my old habits. Help!!

I've been a bad, bad girl...

Here is a quick run-down of my progress:

1) Morning routine... improving in consistency. Biggest battle now is getting up on time, I have been late the last two mornings in a row.
2) Evening routine... MUCH improved, also helping the morning routine by getting clothes and odds and ends done before bed.
3) Meds and supplements... MOST improved at this point, starting to become a habit without relying as much on queues, and also starting to get into the same habits for Nathaniel.
4) Massage and muscle stim. for neck -- the worst. Cannot improve on everything overnight, I suppose. I have been in a lot of pain lately as a result. Going to hook up to the stim now as a matter of fact. I am off work on Friday and Monday so I should schedule a REAL massage and start getting back on the right track.
5) Keeping a clean sink every night before bed. This has also been difficult to keep up because of the two boys in my house and mostly because it's not in my nature. I'm really working hard, but some times I just put it off.
6) Writing... well, I think I'm a little behind schedule. I have been thinking about sitting down and banging some stuff out a lot lately, just haven't had the fortitude to go through with it. I will be updating my other blog today or tonight as well.
7) GYM... ummmmm..... no. I have to say I haven't been a single, solitary time since I started writing and I really feel badly about it. My eating has been poor as well, the two things are always linked for me.

All in all, I am making progress, but I am taking on a lot at once so I need to give myself some small credit for continuing to persue it and not throwing in the towel on everything because I have missed a few things here and there.

The one thing that I can't understand is this, and maybe you can understand what I'm saying here...

I *KNOW* how good it feels to accomplish my goals. I know how good I feel physically and mentally when I work out. Why do we consistently NOT do things that we *KNOW* make us feel good, but are GOOD FOR US??? This is something I struggle with every day... procrastination, excuses, whining, feeling sorry for myself. I get infuriated with myself, and with my life in general when I can't keep up these good habits, and yet, I always seem to slip into the same bad patterns. People have made millions writing books about HOW to improve yourself, but no one can tell you how to remain consistent. I suppose it's just a lot of trial and error and changing your life.

I hope everyone is doing okay and I want to see YOU posting soon. :)

/blog. K

Like my month wasn't stressful enough already. . .

So I went this morning for my monthly weigh-in and wouldn't you know it. I gained a pound! After the week/month I've had dealing with my husband on his pain issues (that's a whole nother blog) and our summer plans for childcare that he doesn't think we need, I knew it wasn't going to be a good month. I'm actually glad it wasn't a larger gain. And do I get any credit for being bloated because of you know what?

Yes, it would have been nice to loose another 5 pounds, but at least I know I have it within my power to loose it. One pound at a time:)

On the bright side, I have walked 4 days in the past week. My goals are to increase my mobility with walking like I did earlier this week with the kids and a co-worker and purchase a pedometer. I really need to get my pilates DVD out and do it at least once a week. Say a prayer for me that I get the motivation I need to make these goals a reality. I need all the help I can get, especially with all this rain outside.

I did it!

We had 50 degree weather yesterday! Can you believe it? So much different from this weekend when we were snowed in.

Anyways, I got off work early to go pick the kids up from school since Chip's brother was having surgery. It was soooo nice out. As soon as we got home, we went in to use the restroom and headed right back out. Ginger and Jackson grabbed their bikes and Chely & I walked. We walked for about an hour. It felt so good to be out in the sun. I highly recommend it if you get a chance and the weather this week.

That just started my evening off great! From there we went inside and did homework. When we were done, Ginger wanted to watch the movie "with that girl and the football." So I put The Game Plan in. Really good movie for family. Then we ordered pizza and salads and just made a movie night out of it by ending with 1/2 of High School Musical 2.

Today for lunch I reheated my left over fajitas from Monday and used some wheat tortillas. (You have no idea how much I Iove to eat out - so re-heating is a big accomplishment for me). My plan today is to walk for about 1/2 an hour with a co-worker since it's still so beautiful outside.

You're not alone. . .

Oh, girl, you are so not alone this month. I don't know if it's because now I know I have 3 more months of waiting for surgery, PMS, or just plain stress, but the past couple of weeks I have just wanted anything and everything chocolate or greasy. I have been able to fight off the urges most of the time, but I did have some fries last night --- ssh! don't tell. And we won't talk about last week at all. Ugh! . . .and working out - that's a whole nother story.

So I decided this week was going to be brand new. I took the stairs at work (down counts, right?) and walked 10 blocks yesterday and Sunday we played out side in the snow. So far today I have taken the stairs once, but I did really good at lunch. I had a grilled chicken sandwich and a chilli to eat. That was a hard choice because I really, really wanted a double cheeseburger and fries and a chocolate frosty. Ok, quit drooling. . .

Then out of the blue last night, my hubby tells me I "really have lost a lot of weight." WOW! Of course, that would have been nice to hear over the past three month -- every month. Then he followed it up with, "Now you're gonna get all skinny and leave me." What? You don't think I can leave you cause I'm fat?" I got a blank look and then his response - "No, you will, guys will start flirting with you when you get skinny." Me: "Oh, so you don't think they flirt with me now?" He didn't seem to understand my thinking. Well, I guess at least he finally said it. That should count for something. . . I guess.

Anyways, the rest of this week I want to walk at lunch and eat like I should. Not to mention I need to keep my log up-to-date as I eat instead of filling it out later. I've gotten into a bad habit with that. Even though I've had a few "testy" weeks, I still think I'm doing better now than I was 4 months ago.

Marching Along

So, 10 days into the month and I really haven't been very good. I had LOTS of soda this weekend, movie theatre popcorn, cheesecake, doughnuts, very little water and almost no exercise.

I'm slowly coming out of my mood. slowly slowly slowly. At least now I'm starting to feel guilty for letting all my good works drop away. But, I can't find the care to DO anything about it yet.

I did ask Amanda to go for a walk with me this week - when the weather should be in the 70s again by mid-week. you know Amanda - the positive outlook commenter who seems to ALWAYS be on the right track? [I love you girl!] Hopefully, she'll get my butt moving in the right direction with her good vibes and positive outlook. :)

Otherwise, don't look for updates on my grid or daily plate. There aren't too many. There probably will be this week, just nothing major for this month yet.

I still have 3 weeks this month, so don't give up hope on me just yet!

Update, schmupdate

Read this post in my other blog so you know why I'm not updating anything or responding to anything:

http://reasonlight.blogspot.com/2008/03/ditto-heidi-ditto.html

Hopefully, I'll be back to my old self sometime in the next month...

Day one... welcome to day one...

Hello. Sorry for the link, but I can't help but hear these two in my head every time I think about the title of today's entry. :)

"Today" actually started last night for me. I had a particularly tough day yesterday, because I'm essentially doing 2 jobs right now (software trainer/help desk and my regular job). By the time I got home I was having one of those you'd-better-lay-down-or-who-knows-what-will-happen feelings. So I did that, and Eric and Nat made some frozen pizza for dinner.
(one goal missed, skipped on the stim/massage treatments)
Evening passed and when it got closer to bed time, I *did* take my sleeping pill and my supplements.
I slept like a rock, the drugs do really help me there, I can tell that I'm getting better sleep because I am dreaming again, and I'm not fighting to get up in the morning.
Morning... I got up and rushed around the house to get us ready to go, in somewhat of my normal routine, but there isn't much structure to it. I did take my be good to yourself and don't have a panic attack pill, so another +1 for me.
During the day, I was too busy to do the stim like I am supposed to, but I held up better as the day went on. I treated myself to a coffee (skim milk, of course) when I was doing the mail and stretched that process out as long as I could to get some rest.
Evening...
This is what I'm most proud of. I got home, spent some time with Nat, then:
1) I showered
2) Got back in the shower a second time to shave (I know, TMI, you'll see where I'm going with this in a minute)
3) Took my supplements
4) Made a very simple dinner, though Nat was already crashed out by this time
5) While dinner was cooking I unloaded the dishwasher, did the dishes in the sink and cleaned the sink (all the while feeling very... fuzzy, it's hard to describe in words how I feel, I'm hoping that the more I write the better it will come to me)
***ADD TO GOALS...*** Go to bed with a clean sink every night
6) Now, I put Nat to bed, had some of my dinner and started writing.
It's only 8:20 pm so I will still have time to do the stim/massage before I take my sleepy pill and crash.

SOOOOOOO....
I will have accomplished all of my tasks for the day and even added a few things in for good measure. While I understand that all of this will seem very menial to the average person and a part of your "normal" day, this is the most that I have done in one evening in some time.

I have a really hard time, even with a new job and a new schedule which is supposed to accommodate my deficits, I still have a very hard time forcing myself to slow down and set a pace for the WHOLE DAY. This seems like a great start, so I am just going to keep at it.

Here she is... Miss Procrastinator

Starting this blog is just one of many things I have been procrastinating. My life has been one continuous procrastination after the next. I think that this is mostly because I am so driven in my working life that I expend all of my resources during the day.

I've just decided that I really need to make some (many, in fact) changes to the way I function day to day. I have had so many life changes in the last few years that I have found that I have become more receptive to the idea of change.

Change is not what I'm afraid of, it's the routine. I have just been without real structure for so long, I seem to struggle with the smallest, regular daily tasks, most of which would improve my over-all quality of life. A lot of my stumbling and excuses are related to my memory and fatigue problems (lasting effects from my surgery), but I suppose I may as well accept these things as part of "normal" for me now and try to push through it.

The first step is committing to print the things that I really need to work on and try to break them into the smallest possible steps.

1) Take meds (including vitamins and sleeping pills which I was leery of) EVERY day and quit ignoring electronic prompts to take them.
2) Develop a basic morning routine and stick to it (during the week days at a minimum)
3) Develop a basic evening routine and stick to it (during the week days at a minimum)
4) Exercise on the weekend days (if we are not out of town) at LEAST 30 minutes at the Y (I got that new membership for a reason, hulllooooh)
5) Use muscle stimulator and massage every day (in the evenings at a minimum) to relieve neck and shoulder problems
6) Write on the accountability blog and potentially elsewhere (possible book thing has been in my brain for about the last 4 years, if not the last 10) for minimum of 1 hour a week

I could list a million other things here related to eating, organization, de-cluttering, and reducing face time on the computer as T has mentioned. However, based on my prior track record I think I should take small steps so that I can record some actual progress and form some new habits before taking on the world.

Eventually, if I don't get immediately overwhelmed, I should post future goals so that I feel like I'm at least acknowledging those things and return to them when I feel I've moved beyond some of the initialI am hoping that the fear of being held accountable to others will help me to stick with this, I know that it's only going to benefit me and those around me, so there is no time like the present to get started.

:) Wish me luck and send me good thoughts.
'berly girl

February Wrap-Up | March Start-Up

Well, not much changed over the last two weeks. Even I got bored with myself and what I was doing, so I won't bore you with too many details. All-in-all there wasn't much change overall, except what I was drinking was definitely healthier!

The scale only dropped 4 lbs - and that was really wishful thinking more than anything. It fluctuated up and down a lot and it was back to 170 today (technically not Feb anymore, but you get the point.)

It was kinda of a bummer not to loose more than that, but i do notice that clothes fit better right now. I'm not talkin dropped dress sizes or anything, but all my 14 pants are definitely looser and I was actually able to wear my skinny 14s - with a belt required - when I went to church on Sunday. So - inches are dropped, just not the scale.

With that in mind, I hereby state my March goals.

1 thr 3) Repeat February goals with beverages: no soda, 1 coffee, 64 oz water. These are going pretty good and I think I can do better.

4) EXERCISE - moving up in priority! Rather than say I'm going to get in 30 minutes per day, I'm going to go 1hr for 3 days per week solid. I got too easily frustrated when I would miss this on Monday and Tuesday and figure "why bother" for the rest of the week. If I miss a day or two here or there, I can still meet my goal and I know that I, personally, will work better with a goal like this.

5) Shake, shake, shake. Yep, back on the Herbalife Shakes. Last time I tried these I lost 20, thought I had plataued, got cocky and stopped using it and put back on 10. Joe said I should try it again since it worked last time and no my own limits this time. So, for March at least, I'm back on for 2 shakes per day. No slacking, no soy milk substitutions, just mix and water. Yuck! But, it DOES work for me as a "jump start".

6) Measure. Yeah, I learned the first time on the shakes that the scale doesn't tell the whole story. Sometimes, that little tape measure gives you a better picture of success. So, the grid will now have 4 measurements - bust, waist, hips and thigh. I won't post these everyday, but there will be at least weekly listings. Grid is here: http://spreadsheets.google.com/pub?key=p-mJfOClu-kA7ktPEOswNPQ. Will still have columns for sleep and weight as well.

7) Record on The Daily Plate. I started recording my food on this site and what an eye-opener that was! By inputting what I weigh and my height as well as my loss goal, I was given an calorie in-take goal. Then, recording my actual intake I was able to see what I was really eating! Starbucks coffee is OUT but Chipotle actually isn't too bad if I can take it easy on the sour cream and cheese. Amazing! And most days I actually eat about 200 calories LESS than my allotment, which I think is good... You can see that journal here: http://www.thedailyplate.com/diary/who/tntmomma.

Since the shakes are taking over most of my food intake now, I'm not going to make too many goals based on sweets, etc. I know I have to take it easy or the shakes don't work and they cost too much to not work 'em right! I might have to resort to caramel rice cakes or my 100 calorie GRasshopper cookies for in-betweens now and then, but I think they'll be ok.

Thanks for continuing on this journey with me.

And the decision is. . . .

Well, the news is in. . . I have to wait 3 more months to have surgery. My insurance is requiring me to have a total of 6 months with the dietician before they will approve my surgery. Which is a real bummer, but I guess I’ll just have to use that time to lose another 15 lbs.! I'm just happy I'm loosing.

I’m back into taking the stairs at work. While I was sick, I really slacked off of that. My next goal is to add some type of work out with it (i.e., Pilates or walking at lunch).

Today I was actually able to put a shirt on I bought after Christmas that was a little too tight for my liking. It fits perfect! That’s 2 shirts and 1 pair of pants I’ve been to get into that I couldn’t since I started this endeavor. I don't know the last time I even accomplished something like that. I was even able to suck my gut in and actually see where I’m sucking it in at! It’s the little things in life I love:)

Goal Tending: Week 2

Week 2 was marginally easier and yet not too much different from week 1. Here's the low down:

1) No Soda: only one soda this week - pretty darn good for a 6-8 soda a day girl! Oh wait, I forgot the 3 rum & cokes I had at Red Ball. Oh - but wait - those are counting in week 3. So - yeah this week, bummer for next!

2) Coffee: Kept right on this one all week, except the day after I only got 4.5 hours of sleep. Correlation? Heck yeah! Otherwise, I'm realizing many days I have coffee simply because it's habit. So, maybe I can cut this out altogether in March's goals??

3) Water: I really hate water! It's so PLAIN. And no fun at all. But, I'm trying! I can usually suck down two bottles, but sometimes it's a chore. Any thoughts on how to make this better/easier? And no, flavored water is just as bad (and usually has added calories and sometimes fake sugar as well!)

4) Sweets: So much better on this one - until Valentine's Day. That darn husband - trying to be so sweet and romantic and totally blowing the diet for that day and much of the next. *crying*

5) Workout: Getting better at this. I keep the handweights by the bed, so I can grab them on the way into bed or on the way out. Plus the 15 - 30 minutes or so on Sunday morning jumping around as I lead KidStuf is a definite workout! OH - and that sweet hubby from #4 above also brought in the treadmill finally - maybe he felt guilty over the chocolates...

6) Screen time: Still a challenge, but definitely better this week. Realized hanging out on the computer of boredom is no reason to be online. Books are better. Kid-time is best!

7) Sleep time: Better here as well. When I don't get tied up in a computer game or IM session, I get to sleep earlier! Go figure! I'm still a night owl though, so the thought of going to bed before midnight is just "wrong" somehow! But, I'm trying to switch to being an early bird...although worms suck almost as much as water... ;)

Thoughts on the water thing especially (and anything else you want to comment on) greatly appreciated.

February weigh-in

I went for my monthly weigh-in yesterday at Riverside. I am down another 5 lbs!! I really thought I had gained weight, so you can imagine how happy I was to see that I had lost that much:) That's a total of 15 lbs. since I went to the seminar in November 07 - and 10 lbs in the past 2 months. The dietician feels I'm ready to have the surgery now and was going to fax my paperwork in to the insurance company yesterday. They will either approve it or tell me I have to do 3 more months with the dietician. So keep your fingers crossed!

So now it's back on schedule for keeping my food log and getting my butt up to exercise. Which the exercise seems to be my hardest thing to get motivated on. If you have any pointers - please - let me know!

Reading the Scale

So, I may have cheated a little this morning. I first stepped on the scale BEFORE my shower and it read 169.4. The, I stepped on AFTER my shower and it read 168.8. Really? Tried again. 168.4. Ok. One more time - 168.4. So - best 2 out of 3 for me today.

The questions I have here are these: Did I really have a pound of crud on me? Or did I wash out a lot of hairspray and makeup? Or did I shrivel a little due to the extensive length and heat of the shower?

Any way around it, the official weight for today is 168.4 - down almost 3 lbs since I started this 13 days ago.

I can live with that!

Goal Tending: Week 1

I know this is a little overdue, but this is the first real chance I've had to sit and write! Here's my recap for Week 1:

1) No Soda: In the first week, I kept to this really well. In fact, I only had one soda the entire week - and that was the very first day! Otherwise, it was fairly easy to bypass most days and I was only tempted once or twice to say "screw it".

2) Coffee: Kept pretty well to this one as well. Especially when my coworkers informed me my big big cup is only 16oz, not 20. Whoo hoo! I went back and adjusted my numbers and instantly felt even better. Notice that on the weekends I usually don't have any coffee at all - and that's usually when I need it the most. Hmmmmm....

3) Water: Since I wasn't drinking coffee or soda, water was usually the easiest to grab. Sometimes I would have a tea or lemonade, which of course don't get factored in anywhere, but they have to be better than coffee and soda!

4) Sweets: This one is MUCH harder for me to keep, especially at night and on weekends. It just isn't routine for me to grab fruit or whole wheat crackers or something. Not when a reese's cup or ice cream sound SO much better. But, I'm learning and working on it. Someone needs to yell at me more on this one though...

5) Workout: Ok - when you get home at 6pm, feed kids, do homework or crafts, cuddle and are supposed to be going to bed early, when exactly are you supposed to workout?? I started (finally!) doing some weight work before I go to bed (and I HURT thank you very much!). I also realized that walking 2 malls for 4 hours DOES count as exercise. Especially when you're not really stopping to try things on, cuz nothing looks good. And when you walk in the mall like I do, it is definitely aerobic. No sauntering for this girl - pick a destination and it's walking so fast I'm nearly jogging. Saturday morning, my legs felt like jelly!

6) Screen time: What was I thinking on this one?? Seriously - 60 minutes or less? Just writing a post to both logs can take up that time! And forget about games. Once I get started on one of those (my recent favorites are Build-A-Lot and Chocolatier 2) I lose all track of time! When I next look up, it's 1am and I'm screwed. Gotta get this under control.

7) Sleep time: This is definitely in direct correlation to screen time. One goes up, the other goes down. So, to get more sleep, definitely need to get the screen time under control.

So - that's the first week. I don't really feel any better and I'm actually suffering from a constant headache. Nothing is making this bad boy go away. But,I was having these massive migraines before I started this goal tending thing, so maybe it's something else. I was hoping if I got myself better hydrated my headaches would improve. Now, I'm thinking I probably need to go see a doc about these. Will keep posted there. Otherwise, the experiment continues...

My goals for this week

Ok, I was going to make goals this week, but after being sick Monday, they are now just to make it through the rest of the week and try to get some exercise in. I'm doing ok eating, but the extras have been pushed to the side the past 3 days.

I'm still caffeine free and sugar free for the most part. I did sneak a few french fries out of Jackson's happy meal last night after gymnastics, but I haven't had them in weeks! Other than that I'm doing pretty good on the no fried foods thing. I guess right now, my hardest thing is to get movitivated to work out. If I don't start doing it soon, though, I'm going to be the only reason for my surgery to be post poned and I don't want that.

So I'm going to make my goal to be to take the stairs the rest of the week at work and to get my pilates DVD out of the box (that I bought 6 months ago) and use it. Please say a prayer!:)

Goal Changes

Last night I decided that one of my previously stated goals was a little vague for me and not really going to be possible for meyet (3 planned meals/day). So, I decided to drop that one and make some that I could probably keep - limiting my at home computer time and getting more sleep daily.

For the tracking grid, everything will be in the same measurements - ounces for beverage intake, minutes/hours for time items. This way, at the end, I can also graphical represent my trends. Over a few months, I should be able to see where my weak days maybe (I assume it's all weekends, but I'd like to prove that to myself). I also realized that I need to add my daily weight to the grid.

Here's my revised goals:

1. Soda (oz.) - none allowed.
2. Coffee (oz.) - no more than 20oz/day (size of my regular cup at work)
3. Water (oz.) - at least 40oz/day (two large bottles)
4. Sweets(#) - no more than 1 "serving" per day (this one will be harder to track, but I'll get it figured out - maybe just a simple boolean - 0 for passed, 1 for failed)
5. Workout (min.) - at least 15 to 30 minutes/day
6. Screen Time (min.) - no more than 60 minutes/day on non-work/non-church activities - wouldn't it be nice if I could limit it to 60 minutes AT ALL - hard to do when you work for an Internet Consultancy though! ;)
7. Sleep (hours - prev. night) - at least 7 hours per night, 8 would be sublime.
8. Weight (in A.M.) - to be recorded in lbs, of course. :)

******************
Although I probably won't do this every day, here's my results from today (not encouraging in many regards!)

1. Soda(oz.) - Had a 16oz soda at the movies - seemed weird to have water with popcorn!
2. Coffee(oz.) - 20oz Starbucks White Raspberry Mocha with whip - had to get through the morning manager meeting today (which is the ONLY day I have a Starbucks anymore!)
3. Water(oz.) - 40oz (+ 16oz hot tea)
4. Sweets(#) - 1/2 small movie theatre popcorn
5. Workout (min.) - not yet, but it's only 8pm. I think 1 hip-hop dance routine or some yoga can still be put in tonight
6. Screen Time (min.) - So far, only 15 minutes. But, Emily wants to play RCT3 with me, so it will probably be longer tonight - but, it's kid time, so maybe it shouldn't count?? =)
7. Sleep (hours - prev. night) - only 5 hours - 2am utnil 7am.
8. Weight (in A.M.) - 170.4 this morning

You can still check out the grid here:
http://spreadsheets.google.com/pub?key=p-mJfOClu-kA7ktPEOswNPQ

Things I'm learning along the way. . .

So now I’m a month or so into my journey. I have LOST 5 pounds! Woohoo!!! I have to admit, I thought it would be more, but I'll take what I can get. This is all thanks to a daily food diary I keep that has to be checked by the dietician once a month. I have to learn to only drink small sips of water and sugar free drinks (no carbonated beverages EVER again!) throughout the day and no drinks with meals.

I also have to learn how to take at least 30 minutes to eat each meal. That part is really hard when you're at your in-laws house and 4 minutes into your meal, everyone else is already on seconds. By the time you get 25 minutes in, they've had third helpings and dessert! Not to mention everything in that house is a carb. That house is a whole nother story . . .

Anyways, it must be working. I have more energy now than I did a month or so ago and I'm sleeping better than I have in months. My next set of goals that my dietician gave me are:

• to be sugar free
• fried foods free
• and caffeine free

all by next month. I also need to eat more fruits. She said that will help satisfy my sweet tooth. So with each meal I need to add a fruit since I seem to be concentrating on veggies too much (can you imagine that?). My hubby's trying to figure out how I'm going to be fried food free, but he's trying. I came home the next night after this appointment and he had bake pork chops for me instead of frying. It just blew me away! This is a man who hates to cook and would eat McDonald's every day all day if he could. So maybe my good changes may trickle down more than I think.

Goal Tending

OK - so my biggest motivator is someone who sits beside me every day at work, yet I see maybe 2 minutes out of the day (gotta love cube-world). She's athletic, motivated and she knows the right things to push my buttons in this fitness push of mine. Even her blog has helped me reach a decision!

She does this great thing called "Nutritionathon" and tracks it through her blog. Updates us on 7 or 8 specific goals she has set for herself. Nothing loosey-goosey about the goals either, like "lose weight" or "exercise more" with this girl. she's got it down to a T - specifically how many sodas, sweets, etc. she's going for and how well she met said goal each day.

I like this idea. No, strike that. I LOVE this idea. I'm a planner and the more details I have, the better i can follow it. But, I can't right a blog post every day with the details either. But, I am the queen of spreadsheets, so that's what I setup!

Starting on Friday, 01 February, you can keep track of my goals through this link: http://spreadsheets.google.com/pub?key=p-mJfOClu-kA7ktPEOswNPQ or through an RSS feed at http://spreadsheets.google.com/feeds/list/p-mJfOClu-kA7ktPEOswNPQ/od6/public/basic.

Why Feb. 1? Well, I figure start with a whole month and see from there. that gives me two "free" days, one of which includes our office holiday party (office holiday party on Jan 31 - that's a whole different story!).

Here's the details of the goals I set for myself:

1. Absolutely No Soda
2. Only 1 Cup of Coffee
3. At Least 40 oz water
4. 3 full, planned meals, rather than waiting until I'm hungry to eat and then eating what's on hand. (This is where I might change the rules, if I find I'm eating more just because I planned to eat a certain thing at a certain time)
5. Only 1 sweet, if even that much. I know I have the willpower here, I just have to stop using these as an escape.
6. At least 1 15 - 30 min. workout - yoga, hip-hop dance, even a KidStuf rehearsal - as long as it gets my heart pumping and body moving!

So, that's my starting plan. Check in starting Friday to see where I go from here! Oh - and thanks Amanda! You ROCK!